old quote

I just wanted to save this quote somewhere. I've finally found another good one to take it's place for awhile in Just for Kicks. I saw it on a coffee cup last summer and still love it. I've tried to recreate how it was formatted on the cup.

"People don't read enough. And what reading we do
is cursory, without absorbing the subtleties
and nuances that lie deep within - Wow,
you've stopped paying attention, haven't
you? People can't even read a coffee
cup without drifting off."
- David Shore, creator and executive
producer of House

Three Mothers by Sonia Lambert

So I'm reading this book, and it's messing with me a bit. It's been a long time since I've read a work of fiction and been so thought-provoked, or maybe it's "provoked to thought," on issues of relationships and life and dying and eternity. Okay, that's kinda heavy. Maybe I should back up.

First off, I've already told God that my parents are not allowed to die, before I do at least, or at the very least until they've accomplished all the things they're desperate to accomplish, feel called by God to do. That said...

My mom gave me this book for Christmas. It opens with a poem by Phyllis McGinley:

Mothers are the hardest to forgive
Life is the fruit they long to hand you,
Ripe on a plate. And while you live,
Relentlessly they understand you.

I can't remember the last time my mom gave me a novel. At first I was reading it only to please her, even though the poem makes me feel prickly and like I want to argue with it somehow. I started the first chapter three, no four, times; I just couldn't get into it. Somewhere along the way I did, though, and now I have to work to put it down. It's beautifully written, all about the tensions between mothers and daughters. It's pretty intense, but not overwhelmingly so, partly because there's a healthy does of wit and the mundane stuff of life mixed in with the deep. And it doesn't hurt that the author plays her cards up front: in the first chapter the main character's mother (Vera) has just died and and the daughter (Susie) is dealing with the loss. Part the grief process is sharing with us, the readers, the stories of the lives of her mother and grandmother. Each had dictated these to Susie in the weeks before Vera's death. So it's semi-chronologically written. Each person's story is, mostly, in order as it jumps between each women's voice. It works.

But what about my questions? Well, my first reaction when observing the excellent portrayal of a daughter in grief, hopeless, exhausting, all-consuming, was this: "I'm so glad that we have God, and a hope for heaven; this is not the end for my mom and I." Then the question pokes it's head in, not in words of course, but subliminally: "Who am I to presume that I am - my mom and I are - in the right and they - the author and characters - are in the wrong? Who is to say that there is something after this?" I dwell on this for a few pages in the back of mind, then later it comes to me. How come in every culture there is the instinct for mothers to nurse their young. It's only when this activity hinders modern, rational, mechanized life that it is discarded or smothered. This is similar to faith and the search for the eternal. They got in the way of our understanding, or our understanding was too small for them, and so they were discarded, are squelched, until in moments of sheer panic even this young, post-modern, post-Christian main character Susie "made bargains" in her head, "Please God, at least five. Please God, make it ten."

So I've solved the problem of God and heaven, being there and all! :) But what about my mom and I? This book feels like good medicine, like something that's hard to swallow but I think will help our relationship. I'm sure I won't be able to identify with motherhood entirely until I experience it myself, but I am again made grateful for own mother's accomplishments. No, that's the wrong word. Successes? Abilities? Goodness? Motherly-ness?!?

I'm not sure how the fictional story will end yet, either, but it's a good read. There are some great lines, some poignant observations, and the author brings her characters to face death without the hope of an afterlife head on. As of yet, there's neither a Romantic spin on the beauty of it all or a superstitious bent of somehow existing after death sans God. While I can't agree with the author's assumptions, I admire her courage to stand with them even when it's uncomfortable. So, yeah, I'll let you know how it goes. Just had to get it all out of my head. Thanks for reading.

happy memory

I just learned that this month marks the 50th anniversary of the plastic LEGO brick. An even more random fact: According to LEGO.com, "today’s LEGO bricks still fit bricks from 1958." I remember lots of happy hours making LEGO cars and trucks and police motorcycles. I think I still have that somewhere, even... And yes, I have a little, very little, tomboy streak in me. :)

"a new post"

Thanks to Lance's January 19th post over at the Chi Alpha, Montana blog, I'm feeling guilty enough to post again! But seriously, I've been thinking about posting this slideshow since the beginning of the month. For any folks not here in Missoula and otherwise unfamiliar with what I do here, this might help you get a better idea of the work I do with the students at the University of Montana. I hope you enjoy it. Happy 2008!

Look for me with a chainsaw. Never fear: I didn't actually use it!

culture clash

I like to keep up with the news in my home towns - Boston, Boise, Missoula. It's always fascinating the differences in content on the newspaper websites that I visit. On the main page of Boston.com I found, though did not explore, an "Interactive Homicide Map" of all the homicides in Boston this year. Sad. Then over on the Missoulian site, I find an article about Missoula annexation, and the growing pains rural residents have felt, an article I'd never read in Boston! It's amazing how many worlds exist on our little planet. I think it's important to remember to look up and around every once and awhile and see what else - good, bad, and ugly - is out there. Just a thought.

car update

Oh yes. Super cool thing that you all here in Missoula know about... I lived only a few weeks without a car before I was offered a free car. Actually, not one, but two friends here offered to give me cars that they weren't using, for one reason or another. I chose the newer, lower-mileage, automatic transmission one, and wow, what a gift it has been.



It looks kinda like this when I drive around town. :)

at long last...

A quick follow up.
Yes, I did get that job. For the past 7 weeks I have been working as a Personal Care Assistant (PCA) for a lovely young lady who attends U. of Montana. Other good - no great - news: I am gonna play a few gigs this season with the Helena Symphony. As in, I'll get paid. What a concept! :) Lastly, I now have a few violin students. I am so glad to be teaching again; I find it invigorating, somehow.
So I have three part-time jobs: Chi Alpha staff, PCA and violin playing/teaching. I enjoy them all, for different reasons, though I can get a little exhausted at times, especially when "shifting gears" between one job and the next. But it's good, and I am happy to be here in Missoula, and sooo grateful to have work.

fyi - potato

So I needed a quick answer to, "How long should I boil potatoes?" I Googled "how long to boil potatoes" and the first site to come up was idahopotato.com, specifically the "Frequently Asked Questions" page. Perhaps it's a bit of overkill, but whatever you wanna know, I'm sure it's there.
And for more potato fun, visit itubers.com. The must see is the Opera Singing Spud. So much for a quick answer to my question...
:)

I have a job!

Or at least, I think I do. Since I'm a pessimist, I won't blog much about it, just in case it doesn't work out. But if it does, details will follow. :)

the Move to Missoula

As promised, a post with pics about my moving adventures. Here goes.

Arizona tea in hand, one last picture before hitting the road


an hour later: guess i'm staying in Boise a few more days


It has been quite the adventure. It began on Saturday August 18 and is still going since some of my belongings and (totaled?) car are still in Boise. And no, still no official word on whose fault the accident was and if my car is totaled. I seem to remember a little song:
"Have patience, have patience
Don't be in such a hurry..."

But I digress. After the wreck, I had my car towed to my Atmore house in Boise, where I lived all summer. I ate Ben and Jerry's ice cream and watched silly movies and tried not to do any thinking about the future for the rest of the day. Sunday I reported my claim and Monday I took my car to the Auto Body shop. After a few days of waiting for official things to happen, and seeing little results, I decided to go up to Missoula as soon as possible.

My friend Jamey drove down Friday August 24 with her dad's '83 Ford truck. We packed it to the gills and headed out late Saturday morning. It was a typical southern Idaho day: sunny and hot. With no air conditioning in the truck, we had the windows down and turned the music as high as I could stand. Then, a merciful break from the heat in a reservoir park.

the cold, mountain water felt so good.




All was fine until about 15 miles outside of Blackfoot, ID when we heard a mysterious sound. Since we had no idea what it was and since the truck need more gas anyway, we pulled into Blackfoot, Idaho and began the process of looking puzzled next to the truck and having random men come up to us and offer advice, lots of advice. Of these, some relatively knowledgeable ones told us the truck was un-drivable until a mechanic could look at it. On Monday, which was two days away.

quelle horreur! Jamey reenacting our expressions upon learning our fate...


Each of us spent time talking to our dads, trying to get advice. Jamey's parents said they'd drive down to us from Missoula. (My family was in New York. Not gonna make it out to Idaho!) We got some supper and wasted some time at the local Walmart. And then we slept on the lawn of Jamey's great-uncle's house, since he wasn't home and we couldn't afford a motel.

Sunday morning, as soon as it was warm enough to get out of our sleeping bags, we had a picnic breakfast and colored in these giant coloring pages (Pirates of the Carribbean themed) that we had found at Walmart.



Jamey's mom took this picture of Jamey and I under the Weeping Willow that Jamey liked so much. After a short drive and look at the truck, Jamey's dad decided it was probably okay, and we started driving again, with Jamey's parents in her mom's car behind us just in case. This is where we stopped for lunch.

Yesterday's Calf-A in beautiful downtown Dell, Montana (pop. 10?)


We finally landed in Missoula on Sunday August 26 at about 10 pm. I was seriously relieved to finally, finally be in my new home.

greetings from 59801

just wanted to let y'all know that i finally made it to Missoula. more about my adventure in Blackfoot, ID coming soon.
happy monday all!

here we go! er, maybe not...

Saturday mornin' I was all giddy with excitement about driving up to Missoula. I finally got all packed, got everything I needed for the next few weeks in my car, got some last minutes pics with my roommates and a pic of me with my packed car - so proud of all that work to make it fit. And off I went.
I didn't get too far. Instead, I found myself in a wreck just 30 miles north of Boise, in a town called Horseshoe Bend. No worries. I'm fine, my violin and computer and all the other stuff in my car - these are all fine. My car that? Not so much! The passenger side is pretty messed up. The front windshield is buckled and cracked, and the back windshield and back passenger-side windows are completely gone. The hood is buckled from the right, the part immediately above the right wheel is gone, and the whole passenger side is scraped. As I rode in the tow truck coming back to Boise I looked back at my poor, poor car and thought, "Did I have an antenna? I don't remember..."

So now I am playing a waiting game. Waiting for the claims adjuster to call me, so I can tell him/her the auto body shop where the car is, and then waiting for those two to chat, and then waiting to hear if my car is totaled and, officially, whose fault it was. All signs at present point to the accident being the other guy's fault. Other's opinions about it being totaled vary more. No matter; I can't make any concrete plans until I hear from the insurance one way or the other. Grrrr. Anyone else hate waiting? Anyone else feel lost when you find yourself in an in between place - not here, not there? Sigh. :)

I'm soooo grateful that the car took all the damage. I really have nothing to complain about. To all my friends and family who are praying and helping me in these days of in between, thanks a bunch. I'll let you know more when I know more!

Walking Around the Corner

Greetings from Boise State University's Albertsons Library. I am in here for, pretty much, the last time. My classes are all done. The final 25lb-cotton-paper version of my thesis was turned in last week. It's probably on the way to the bindery now. Grades are in now, too. Wow. I'm done with school. When I get that diploma in the mail, then it will really sink in!

And now? Well, tomorrow I move to Missoula, Montana. If you only read this blog and haven't gotten any emails from me, my deepest apologies. To fill you in, for the past 8 months or so, God has been turning my world upside down. While my life plans are only slightly tweaked, and I'm only moving one state away, my life view has undergone some significant channges. This move to Missoula, to work on staff with Chi Alpha at the University of Montana, is just one step in the direction of that new view.

How am I? I'm equal parts excited and terrified. And a little sad to be saying goodbye to some folks here. But excitement for the plans God has for me long-term, and the commitment I made to do this, these keep me moving forward. The unknown waits around the corner - funny thing, though. We never really know what the future holds anyway, right? We think we do, but we don't. Every once in awhile God allows us to feel just how much we don't know. I guess that's a huge part of faith, maybe the thing in its entirety. So here's to taking the risks and walking around the corner. Here's to faith in the One who is deserving. I hope you all get a chance to live in this faith, too. :)

"eeehh!" or "about my new profile picture"

On the one hand, I really like this picture of me and Beth. It was taken in a park in Kosice, Slovakia. It was a fun, hot day of Ultimate Frisbee and volleyball and music in the midst of a very good trip. On the other hand, I feel an explanation is due: Someone said "Make a funny face" and pointed a camera at me. Of course, I really prefer to be on the other side of the camera, but the end result is that I have very few pictures of me, and even fewer that I like. Thus, for my profile pictures on MySpace and such I have to take extreme measures: half an hour taking and deleting shots on my cell phone(old picture) or cropping out my sister (flickr pic). This one is enough me that I don't need to crop but was enough someone else that I didn't feel as awkward on the wrong side of the lens. Sure, it's silly, but I like it ...okay?!?

Central Europe blog post

posted a few days ago on MySpace.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

It's my last full day in Central Europe and I'm finally posting something! It's been quite good, but too much has gone on, both in and around me, to sum up here. Just some snapshots:
- cute little Fiat's parked half on the road and half on the brick sidewalks.
- shy Slovak teenagers insisting that they can't speak any English, and then carrying on full, if broken, conversations
- Krakow's Ryneck Glowny ('nuf said. love that place.)
- a Slovak teen who says she wants to travel around the world, and my heart goes out to her: "Be careful," I say, and try to remind her that there are some who would take advantage of her deisre to work in another country.
- Roma villages and ghettos full of poverty and beautiful faces.
- "football" (aka soccer) with a team of American folks and Roma girls against a group of little Roma boys. they were losing pretty badly til and older guy (teenager?) joined us, helped them win by one and then proceeded to professes his love to me! :/
- internet cafes where I meet people from all over the world and see local kids playing computer games.
- Turkish coffee and peach tea at a little Roma church near Kosice, Slovakia

I must confess that at this point I still don't really want to go home. Sure, there's people I miss and I miss having access to a washing machine and a dryer and kitchen where I can cook my own meals and being able to read the signs and all my musical activities (like really practicing!). But I think I like it in this part of the world. I suppose I'll be back someday...

just thinking...

...it seems appropriate with all the violence in the news and hardship in the world to remember the words of a few famous dudes.

"The land [of Mordor] seemed full of creaking and cracking and sly noises, but there was no sound of voice or foot. Far above the Ephel Duath in the West the night-sky was still dim and pale. There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever above its reach."
-J.R.R. Tolkien. The Return of the King p. 244.

"In this world you will have trouble; but take heart, I have overcome the world."
-Jesus. John 16:33

Peace.

ich mag Google.

Last year they brought us Google Romance, the year before something called Google Gulp and now... Google Paper. Last year, still relatively new to the google universe, I fell for the foolishness and posted about it, unaware of my ignorance 'til cuchillo commented. And then of course I felt like an idiot but then recovered in my response... This time, I got halfway through the page before I remembered, "Oh yeah! ohhh, Google..." I think it was the goofy pictures next to the goofier "testimonials." What really puts it over the top is the claim that "Gmail Paper is made out of 96% post-consumer organic soybean sputum [huh?!?], and thus, actually helps the environment."
There is another Google April Fool's joke out there, according to some folks on the web way smarter than me, but it all reads like Greek to me so it's a little less funny, somehow. Anyway, happy April Fool's and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
:)

some feel good tees

hi all.
just wanted to point out my new link to the blog for Off Your Back Shirts, a little company that some folks from my corner of Boston started. it's headed up by Paul Daigle, who was assistant pastor at my church, River of Life, for a few years before starting a house church with his wife Diana. Paul is really passionate about Jesus and people and social justice. he's pretty involved in the One Campaign, and recently he started Off Your Back Shirts to sell organic and fair trade clothes. if you go to the website where they show the company's products you'll see pics of a couple folks I went to church with. this cracked me up, to see these folks, including the pastor's daughter, modeling. :)

the interesting and the curious

(Subtitile: Post of things I found on the internet today. Enjoy!)

First...
I'm still on the email list of my church in Boston, River of Life Chruch in Jamaica Plain (aka JP). The folks there are like a family to me, so I like to know what's going on and stuff. Today I got the weekly update nad it was called "RoL - Wears Name Tags - Refreshments & this Sunday. " Nametags? That got me curious, so I followed some links and was like, "Oh, this is interesting." If you are not familiar with JP, this "Name Tag" organization is so JP. Here's a few links. First, to the blog site talking about RoL Church. Second to the org's about page.

Second...
I'm not much of a bandwagon jumper (or jumper-on-er, if that's a word), so when new things come out, I tend to view them skeptically, from a distance, and wait til I have a good reason to waste my precious time/money/other resource on them. Or maybe it's the fact that I am so skeptical that keeps me from jumping on wagons... Anyway! All that to say that in the past few days I have finally been getting into video on the internet, YouTube in particular. Then to really get the interest up, today I got this email from my violin/orchestra prof:

String Players,
I thought you might get a kick out of this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5MLNMgpywk
Mr. Purdy

kick i did. i mean, wow! so much fun!

Not more than a few mnutes later, Mr. Purdy also sent this email:

Okay, we may need to start a BSU fan club, this is pretty clever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG6Ef-NQCi4
Mr. Purdy

So I thought I'd pass these on to you, to enlighten you, and to let you in on how very silly string players are in what we do and in what we love to watch others do. Let me know if you can recognize all the tunes in this video. I think I know the older ones. It's the rock/metal stuff from the late 20th century that throws me.
Til next time,
-later.

a set of coca-cola flatware

ever had one of those days? one of those when you feel like hitting your head against something very hard with the hope that you can knock some sense into your brain? i guess you could say it's a bad day. not a "this-is-the-lowest-point-of-my-life" day but a "wow, am-i-really-that-much-of-an-idiot?" day. well, that was my day today.

first, i realized this afternoon that because i had thrown away the box my new printer came in, without taking the UPC code off it, i can't get my $80 refund. groan. so, basically, i threw eighty dollars into the dumpster. ohhh, that hurts. of course, the only reason i bought the printer in the first place was i could get it free when buying it with the PC. oh well. it's only money, right?

about an hour before i realized this i had been talking to my dad on the phone. he mentioned the Patriots v.s. Colts game was gonna be on and asked if i was going to watch it. i said, "oh i have so much work to do... but i guess i can leave it on in the background like you dad." the joke is that my dad often does this "on-in-the-background" thing, but repeatedly gets sucked back to the TV, much to my mother's dismay. :)!! anyway, that happened to me, too, but it was fun, and i didn't feel too bad since i thought that i had enough time still to get my work done. and even though i was bummed the Pats lost, it was good to see Payton Manning and the Colts finally get to the Super Bowl. so hooray for the underdog. turning off the tube then i resolved to really get to work. i went to my computer and opened up my school email. then i saw "Brittany's Violin Recital", an old email, and i remembered that it was today. at 7:30 pm. it was 8:25 pm, and i had a pie in the oven. ARGHH! i had promised Brittany that i would be there...
so i turned off the pie early and ran across the street - super hooray for living on campus! - and made it for the last piece of the recital. sometime soon i'll have to confess to Brittany that i forgot about the recital and ask to hear the recording the sound guy makes of these things.
sigh.
after getting back to my apartment i was feeling low, so i pulled out the Waterdeep Worship cd. i love these guys. i love these songs that ooze with God's patience and grace.
"You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song... All my worries and my shame, rest in You... Those who trust in the Lord are as Mt Zion... You alone are faithful..."

by now you gotta be wondering what deep spiritual concept i will be pulling out of the title of this post. sorry, but i can't think of one. but the set does make me smile. i found it at the thrift store today, and i'm really proud of myself for it. :)

anyway, another day another dollar. here's to tomorrow.