moment of faith

So I had this interesting experience last night. I was driving from teaching a violin lesson to Walmart, just running some errands. I turned the radio on and heard “more than fine/more than bent on getting by/more than fine/more than just okay.” Immediately I had this image in my mind of me, shoulder deep in a pit of muck and junk, an accumulation of my fears and worries piling up all around me. Then I saw myself lifting up my arms to Jesus and crying, “Pull me out!” I realized at that moment that it had been awhile since I’d asked God to do that for me, pull me above my circumstances, and that in that time I had been slowly sinking deeper into something like quicksand, or maybe “slowsand.” If anyone were to ask me how I was doing I’d say “I’m fine. Okay. There are hard things and struggles but I’m getting by.” But I really want more than that. I really believe God has called me to more than that. “Getting by” is not the abundant life Jesus promised.
I’m not on a first name basis with Jon Foreman and am not entirely sure what the song “More Than Fine” meant to him when he wrote it, but to me it is a reminder of John 10:10, where Jesus said “I have come that they [that is, you, me, us humans] may have life and have it to the full.” In the Message paraphrase of the passage, Jesus says, “I am the Gate for the sheep. All those others are up to no good—sheep stealers, every one of them. But the sheep didn't listen to them. I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd puts the sheep before himself…”
I believe that I am living a full life, an adventure, one that’s going to extend into eternity. It’s just that I forget. I let the worries pile up and dull the joy God has given me. But in His awesome mercy and grace, God keeps pursuing me, asking “Don’t you want to get above that?” Sometimes, I finally get a clue and ask Him to help me. And every once in a while, He blesses me with a moment of clarity, a moment of seeing His reality in front of me, and all around me. My circumstances are no different in that moment. Everything is the same, but I’m not. I recognize Jesus as the Gate and the Good Shepherd whom I can trust, and I have a little more faith, a little more hope, and I really feel – at least for a moment - God’s joy in me.

driving lessons

Check out this hilarious highly opinionated take on drivers in various parts of the US. Note: I think it's only available til early August, so... look it up now!

wordle!

I'm not sure how you pronounce it, but I'm in love with wordle! I'm playing with it lots in preparation for the first Bible study of the summer tomorrow night. Here is what I've come up with so far... More to come I'm sure.

attention all word nerds

I just stumbled on an awesome little podcast the other day from PRI's "The World." It's a new weekly called The World in Words. The thing that pulled me in was the title on Monday's podcast: "Russian names, Putinisms and a diplomatic mistranslation." So I gave a listen and then backed up to hear last week's podcast, featuring national anthems and IKEA-speak. It's a nice, mid-length podcast, 15-20 minutes, and has reporters visiting and interviewing all around the world. Finally, it has the added distinction of coming from the public radio station in Boston. So what else is there to say? It's amazing.

a may day's thoughts

On my Trike, Summer 1980

Just a quick note in celebration of the best month of the year! And while I'm not entirely thrilled about adding another year to my age, I love that May is the cusp of summer, the edge of the excitement, with so much to look forward to in the near future: fireworks and hiking and rafting and road trips and sunshine and swimming and ice cream and barbecues... To top it off, I have great memories of earlier years when birthdays were all about homemade cakes and backyard relay races with neighborhood kids. Those were the days. Whatever this month means to you, whatever memories it holds, I hope that this time around it treats you well.

Of the Dead and Dying

How's that for a seriously morbid title? I thought it might be a good way to catch your attention. But this post is not about people, just blogs and their links.

You see, once upon a time, a long time ago - back in 2005 - a bunch of my friends started blogging. We had lots of fun welcoming each other into the "blogosphere" and exchanging comments and posting sometimes witty, sometimes moving, sometimes dramatic news on these, our own websites. Then came MySpace, but it was ugly and spammy and so we used it rather judiciously. But then Facebook opened up to everyone, not just preppy undergrads, and it has proven deadly for the older version of blogging. I have hardly kept up this site at all until, every few months or so, I randomly hear that someone still checks it. So I make go at it, and find it's still fun, and I've decided "leaves..." isn't going away anytime soon. But of the links listed to the right of my posts, many haven't seen a new post in over a year. On the one hand, I feel bad just removing my friends' old blogs from my list, in case said friends actually resurrect their creations. On the other hand, I love organization and making sure my own little part of the web, be it very, very small, is updated and current. So I decided to write this post in order to both reminisce and to list a few of my friends' blogs that I'll most likely be be taking off the template in the near future. This way, their names and links will endure as long as blogger itself remains. In memory of all the good times...

el blogo de la falda
freelance poedry
ich bin ein londoner
jamey orange
ohiodawa
whence flies the knat

But perhaps the cycle of Blogger life will continue? Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome the Ocean Skater to the blogosphere.

Mexico '08 Missions Trip

the Missoula team: Sara, Sylvia, Emily, Megan

Just a few stories and a few more pictures. For more of the latter, go to my flickr site.

So these four ladies, three UM students and myself, left Missoula at 9:30 pm on Thursday March 20. This was the first leg of our journey on a missions trip with two organizations, Youth for Christ and Get Away, Give Away. We arrived in Twin Falls Idaho around 4:30 Friday morning. This is where we met up with 13 folks who had driven down from LaGrande, OR. Megan and I had stayed awake and split the driving from Missoula, so when we got to Twin Falls and found out everyone else would be up at 6 we just stayed up. We played 3-way "War" with Megan's friend Smitty. We were quite tired and silly. It was fun.
About 7:30 am all 17 of us, from here on out known as "the LaGrande Group," piled into two Suburbans and a pickup truck. We drove all day and reached Las Vegas in the evening where we spent the night in a church. (This was known as the location of "the last shower." Showers at our campsite in Mexico were a bit more primitive.) On Saturday, after 20+ hours of driving, we finally arrived in San Luis Rio Colorado, Mexico. Here we met up with the main group of folks, most of whom were from Eugene, Oregon, as so were known as "the Eugene Group." In the next 5 days "in country" the forty or so folks on our team of two groups built three houses. Those of us from Missoula also led a Vacation Bible School for neighborhood children and those at the house sites where we were building.


"Tent City" (aka "camp"): This was our home for the week.
It got pretty windy!

Highlights of the week:
1) Wednesday, the last day of VBS
This was our largest group of VBS kids and Megan kept saying her Spanish brain was going to explode. We shared the story of the Jesus' death and resurrection with the kids. I held up the picture book and Megan read the translation into Spanish. I helped the kids put "brillantes" (glitter) on the paper crosses they were making, and a few of them copied "Gracias Jesus" onto crosses made out of popsicle sticks. I loved that we were planting seeds in little hearts and minds and watering these seeds with love and songs and fun games like "pato, pato, ganso" (duck, duck, goose.)


Singing at VBS. Note the the camp showers in the background.

2) Anna and Abel and their 8 kids
Megan has had a few chances to share about the trip and each time she talked about this family and she cried. Anna and Abel have 8 children and recently moved to the border town of San Luis from Chiapas, the southern part of Mexico. We had the pleasure of building them a new house. Our first day at the plot of land Anna and her husband own she said over and over again how great God was to provide for her and her family. She brought most of her kids to VBS each day and she was very involved answering questions and making crafts. Later, Megan was working on Anna's new house and overheard her singing the VBS songs to her children. At the end of the week, the whole team visited each of the new houses and prayed over them and the families that would be living there. As we surrounded Anna, Abel and their children, Anna cried while clutching a calendar that the folks from LaGrande had given her. It was clear that we were seeing God move in her heart and our work there not only blessed her materially but also brought her closer to God.


Anna and her youngest, Luis de Jesus

3) Thursday morning, last day of work
This was the rush to get our houses to a finishing place. We needed to be done and leaving Mexico by about noon, but the houses weren't done. In past years, the team had consisted of 60-80 people. This year we were a small and mighty 40-something. In addition, the owners of 2 of the original 4 building sites found themselves in property disputes while we were there, so we were not able to build in those sites. We were able to start a another house, but two days late, and the church we planned to build most likely be built next year. The other family, who had thought themselves owners of the original "Site 1" plot, we could only pray for, that they would be able to settle this dispute and maybe get a house next year.

Policia. At least this one didn't come at 3:30 am like a few of the others...

That said, Thursday was a bit of a scramble at each of the houses. The new "Site 1" house was built for Bernardo and his wife and children. They have been great friends to the Get Away, Give Away teams in years past. They owned a plot of land but not been able to afford to build while still struggling to pay rent in another location. It was wonderful to bless this family and exciting to see their plans for this house as a place of blessing not only for their family but for the neighborhood. :) With this house we decided we just needed to get second floor walls, roof and insulation for those up since these are the parts most needing a team of people. A roof was also important since Bernardo needed to sleep there in order to guard the new house. He was confident that he could finish the rest himself. Thursday morning I had the chance to work on this house with him and a handful of the Eugene group folks from about 20 minutes before sunrise until around 11:00 am. It was intense and fun and very rewarding to reach our goal.


Prayer at Bernardo
and family's new house.
Note the unpainted
second floor wall
and the corner of a roof!


So in summary, it was hot. It was sandy. It was very dry. It was tiring and challenging. But God showed up and directed our steps in amazing ways. It was an amazing week.

ich mag Google '08

Here it is again. I've decided this must be my own personal Valentine's Day for Google or something. Anyway, in case you somehow missed it, here is a link to this year's April Fool's joke. I have a feeling the folks at Google look forward to this day all year long.
:)

Mexico '08 Trip - Teasers

me and Cristal, one of the children whose family got a new house





So I just got back to my house, just got back into Missoula less than an hour ago, and I'm really excited to sit down and let you all know about my trip. Wow. That's my first thought. So much to write. It was basically an amazing trip. It took two days of driving to get to San Luis, Mexico, a border town in the desert. Then it took two days to get back. In between I met lots of cool folks from Oregon, helped build three houses, camped in the desert, and made friends with some beautiful Mexican children. I'd like to write more ... but later, cause I'm pretty tired and I need to do some serious laundry - there is sand in everything. For now, here's a few pictures, teasers you could say. More - stories and pics - to come.


Yanco, Cristal, Kayla











view from the road of one of the new houses I helped build

Happy Spring!

Just wanted to wish all a happy first day of spring. And to celebrate - well, actually it has nothing to do with it, except that next week is Spring Break here at the U. of Montana, and on said break a few students are going down to Mexico for a missions trip. And I have the privilege of joining them. No, I don't remember where in Mexico. I am not leading the trip so I'm shunning all unnecessary responsibility. Just kidding. I just haven't made the effort to remember. Anyway, we will be building houses for some folks and running a Vacation Bible School for a few days. I'm looking forward to it. We start the drive down tonight, with stops in Idaho Falls and Las Vegas. I would appreciate your prayers for our travels and for our time sharing Jesus with little kids. In addition, some of the folks we'll be working with on the building part of the trip aren't yet Christians. They're high school kids, and I am praying that we, the group of college folks from Missoula, will have and take divine opportunities to share Christ. So that's all for now. I just spent a half hour trying to see if I could do the Mobile Blogging thing. I think my phone is just a tad bit too primitive to make it happen, or maybe my brain is... Anyway, I've decided ya'll will just have to wait 'til I get back for an update. :) Til then, many blessings and happy spring.

me skiing!

Me with Anna Barnett, getting ready to ski!

Hello to my dear friends and family. This past Sunday I wrote a post on the Chi Alpha Montana blog about our recent Ski Retreat in Darby, MT. Here it is for your reading pleasure. I've also added a video that Scott Barnett, my Chi Alpha boss, took of me "skiing" on the Bunny Slope.

One week ago at this time I was really, really sore from my first time skiing ever. In the past I've always told folks that I'd never ski cause I have bad knees. Then when it turned out that we would have an entire Chi Alpha retreat built around the opportunity to ski or board, and to do so in beautiful Western Montana powder on amazing Rocky Mountains, how could I resist?!? So I took the plunge and loved it. Somewhere in the middle of the 1.5 hours it took to "ski" down the easiest Green Dot trail, however, I realized (remembered?) that the main reason I've avoided skiing/boarding is fear. I don't even like going down a mountain on foot when it's really steep, never mind flying down it on little waxed pieces of plastic. So that was huge for me, learning to trust that if I did what Scott and Anna said I would not die! Mind you, I still have bad knees but they were not what hurt; every thing else did. :)



Songe and Scott

Songe and Ben were the other beginners on the slopes. [Songe is an international student from Zambia who first saw snow four years ago in his freshman year at the U. of Montana.] Ben was the Natural of the group, and with just a few times down the Bunny Slope he headed up the mountain. Scott and Anna were the patient teachers that stayed with Songe and I most of the day. I'm not sure how Songe felt by the end, but I was pretty excited since I was finally learning how to turn. Hooray!

Most of the folks experienced with the snow sports had their own snowboards. Amanda was the beginner of that group, and, similar to Songe and myself, she expressed super gratitude for her friends who stuck by her all day. Megan was their photographer and took lots of sweet shots, including ones of Ken, who is known to anyone who has done the Mini-Missions trip to Plains. He was our guest speaker Saturday night, and God really spoke through him to quite a few of us. Then we Chi Alphans got a chance to pray for him and his wife and daughter, and God really spoke through us to bless them. Then we all slept like babies. Most of us spent the night in the sanctuary (girls) or upstairs classroom (guys) of a local church let us use for the weekend. It was a good night, and a good weekend. God is good, yes?


Megan, Ken, Chris, and John










Megan and Annie














On the Ski Bus, from Darby to Lost Trail Powder Mountain.












The boarders having lunch in a yurt

old quote

I just wanted to save this quote somewhere. I've finally found another good one to take it's place for awhile in Just for Kicks. I saw it on a coffee cup last summer and still love it. I've tried to recreate how it was formatted on the cup.

"People don't read enough. And what reading we do
is cursory, without absorbing the subtleties
and nuances that lie deep within - Wow,
you've stopped paying attention, haven't
you? People can't even read a coffee
cup without drifting off."
- David Shore, creator and executive
producer of House

Three Mothers by Sonia Lambert

So I'm reading this book, and it's messing with me a bit. It's been a long time since I've read a work of fiction and been so thought-provoked, or maybe it's "provoked to thought," on issues of relationships and life and dying and eternity. Okay, that's kinda heavy. Maybe I should back up.

First off, I've already told God that my parents are not allowed to die, before I do at least, or at the very least until they've accomplished all the things they're desperate to accomplish, feel called by God to do. That said...

My mom gave me this book for Christmas. It opens with a poem by Phyllis McGinley:

Mothers are the hardest to forgive
Life is the fruit they long to hand you,
Ripe on a plate. And while you live,
Relentlessly they understand you.

I can't remember the last time my mom gave me a novel. At first I was reading it only to please her, even though the poem makes me feel prickly and like I want to argue with it somehow. I started the first chapter three, no four, times; I just couldn't get into it. Somewhere along the way I did, though, and now I have to work to put it down. It's beautifully written, all about the tensions between mothers and daughters. It's pretty intense, but not overwhelmingly so, partly because there's a healthy does of wit and the mundane stuff of life mixed in with the deep. And it doesn't hurt that the author plays her cards up front: in the first chapter the main character's mother (Vera) has just died and and the daughter (Susie) is dealing with the loss. Part the grief process is sharing with us, the readers, the stories of the lives of her mother and grandmother. Each had dictated these to Susie in the weeks before Vera's death. So it's semi-chronologically written. Each person's story is, mostly, in order as it jumps between each women's voice. It works.

But what about my questions? Well, my first reaction when observing the excellent portrayal of a daughter in grief, hopeless, exhausting, all-consuming, was this: "I'm so glad that we have God, and a hope for heaven; this is not the end for my mom and I." Then the question pokes it's head in, not in words of course, but subliminally: "Who am I to presume that I am - my mom and I are - in the right and they - the author and characters - are in the wrong? Who is to say that there is something after this?" I dwell on this for a few pages in the back of mind, then later it comes to me. How come in every culture there is the instinct for mothers to nurse their young. It's only when this activity hinders modern, rational, mechanized life that it is discarded or smothered. This is similar to faith and the search for the eternal. They got in the way of our understanding, or our understanding was too small for them, and so they were discarded, are squelched, until in moments of sheer panic even this young, post-modern, post-Christian main character Susie "made bargains" in her head, "Please God, at least five. Please God, make it ten."

So I've solved the problem of God and heaven, being there and all! :) But what about my mom and I? This book feels like good medicine, like something that's hard to swallow but I think will help our relationship. I'm sure I won't be able to identify with motherhood entirely until I experience it myself, but I am again made grateful for own mother's accomplishments. No, that's the wrong word. Successes? Abilities? Goodness? Motherly-ness?!?

I'm not sure how the fictional story will end yet, either, but it's a good read. There are some great lines, some poignant observations, and the author brings her characters to face death without the hope of an afterlife head on. As of yet, there's neither a Romantic spin on the beauty of it all or a superstitious bent of somehow existing after death sans God. While I can't agree with the author's assumptions, I admire her courage to stand with them even when it's uncomfortable. So, yeah, I'll let you know how it goes. Just had to get it all out of my head. Thanks for reading.

happy memory

I just learned that this month marks the 50th anniversary of the plastic LEGO brick. An even more random fact: According to LEGO.com, "today’s LEGO bricks still fit bricks from 1958." I remember lots of happy hours making LEGO cars and trucks and police motorcycles. I think I still have that somewhere, even... And yes, I have a little, very little, tomboy streak in me. :)

"a new post"

Thanks to Lance's January 19th post over at the Chi Alpha, Montana blog, I'm feeling guilty enough to post again! But seriously, I've been thinking about posting this slideshow since the beginning of the month. For any folks not here in Missoula and otherwise unfamiliar with what I do here, this might help you get a better idea of the work I do with the students at the University of Montana. I hope you enjoy it. Happy 2008!

Look for me with a chainsaw. Never fear: I didn't actually use it!