Stress

In the days and weeks leading up to my audition at the U. of Wisconsin Madison, there were a few times I found myself thinking, "This is it. I am going to go mad." My mind was reeling and the pressure to succeed was greater than any I had ever experienced before. There were too many things to coordinate, too many people to keep up with, and too much music to learn. Well, I didn't lose my mind, the audition went well enough that my first thought afterwards was, "hey, I want do that again", and I even got accepted to the program for which I was auditioning. Best of all, right afterwards, I got to enjoy a great mini-vacation in sunny Missoula, MT. Sigh. Those were the days.
Now, here I am back in a place where I am questioning the strength of my sanity, whether that be when I decided I wanted to do a senior recital or now that said recital is almost upon me. There are just too many things to coordinate, too many people to keep up with and too much music to learn. When I tell folks about my recital, I vacillate between (one) really wanting them to come 'cause "It's gonna be fun" and (two) panicking, which makes me think I should say "You don't have to come" and/or "Don't tell too many people about it." Actually, I did say both of those things today... hmmmm. So I don't make a great self-promoter, eh?
In the midst of all this, what I really want is for God to be pleased with me. And I want Him to get some kind of glory out of me and my playing, or despite me and my playing, if need be! So back to the woodshed I go, with a prayer that He give me both the wisdom I need to deal with people and the grace to be a Glory-to-God-producing musician. That's really all any of us can do, right?