an update

I spent most of the day with two of the three DeMilos. Jessica is looking sooo much better than when I saw her last Saturday. The swelling has gone down quite a bit, and the head bandage, or "turban" as her mom Tejeanne calls it, has been removed. Jessica is moving more as well, and I saw her eye-lids flutter quite a few times. Two different nurses said they saw her eyes completely open. She's clearly still in a coma, but these are good signs. The two visual shocks for me were that she has almost no hair - so sad - and the wound itself. At first I only saw a small part of it and was like, What? All this stress, worry , trouble for that?!? Then I saw the whole thing, the stitches going back, way back over her head. Oh dear God, how is she even still alive? Oh that's right: God. And prayer. And these miracles we are all praying for. Yeah.

As of last night, the plan for today was to move Jessica from the ICU to the Medical ICU, described by her mom as "a separate wing of the ICU, which is a step-down in terms of care protocols." Before this event, I joined Tejeanne for lunch at IHOP. After "quick" trips to Barnes and Nobles, Staples and Micheals, we went back to the hospital, and I helped her take down the cards, posters, flyers, pictures, stuffed animals, flowers, etc. that have adorned Jessica's first hospital room. We trekked around the corner to the new room with all said flotsam and jetsam on a cart, then began re-posting them. We got half-way done before a whole host of nurses wheeled in Jessica. Her mom and I vacated for a few minutes while they got her settled. Standing outside the door, we could hear beepings and coughings. Jessica really struggles with being moved around, like her brain is totally overwhelmed with the stimulation - but not as much as last week, not as much as in those first few days, and this is encouraging. Still, it's hard to hear for those few minutes. Eventually they were done and we went back in. We finished putting everything up - cards, banners, pictures and finally decorating with the post-it note hearts that have words her friends use to describe her on them - written in glitter pen of course. Tejeanne chatted up a few nurses, made sure they had her phone number, made sure they heard stories about Jessica so that they can see her as more than a body in a bed.

Back here at home, the "slightly ghettoesque apartment" I've shared with Jessica for four months, I decided to check out her blog again. Reading her posts I wondered, Why haven't I read these before? These are hilarious! Oh yeah. I didn't need too. We talked and laughed together all the time. Hoping, praying, looking forward to such times again.

prayer du jour

I'm praying for my roommie Jessica every day, many times a day, but today a new thought: God, I want a miracle. And not just a "medical miracle." A miracle miracle. God, I pray for a full recovery for Jessica - a miracle miracle. Amen.

woke up to Jessica's alarm this morning...

Early Wednesday morning - we think around 7 to 8-ish - my roommate was in a really bad car accident. She had been on her way to work in Polson, a town about 70 miles from apartment here in Missoula. The roads were icy, she was probably running late... she lost control of the car, did a 180, spun into the oncoming traffic of the opposite lane, and another car hit her from behind. The front of her car was also smashed up, but no one is sure why... But the bad part is that something struck her in the head and fractured her skull. She was unconscious when medics got her out of her car. She was wearing her seat-belt so there were no other injuries, really. But she is in a coma.

When I woke up Wednesday morning around 7:30 am, I was happy to see the snow - love snow! - and really just wanted to stay in bed but knew I needed to get some work done. I'm self-employed so that isn't always easy on a day like that. I remember thinking "This feels like a good day to cuddle under a blanket with a good book or a movie." I did, however, get productive pretty quickly, had breakfast and all that, and I wrote a letter to my mom talking about stuff going on in my life - good stuff for the most part. Then I started working on stuff for work - finding information online for the a violin student, etc. Around 11:00 am I heard a knock on the door to the apartment. I was dressed pretty scrubbily for the at-home-work morning, so I only answered the door after a quick look in the mirror. :)
It was Crystal, one of Jessica's good friends, and a roommate of Michelle, another dear friend of Jess'. I'd only met her once so it took me a couple seconds to remember her. Once we'd figured that out, she was like, "Have you heard about Jessica's accident? Her mom called Michelle and was totally freaking out, but it's her mom so we don't know what's happened. We heard something about a fractured skull and she's going in to surgery, but can't tell how serious it is. But we just wanted to make sure you knew. We are going to the hospital right now."
"Thank you so much for finding me... can you wait a minute and I'll throw on some clothes and come with you?"
When we got the hospital we were told she was in the Intensive Care Unit, just getting out of surgery, so we were sent up to wait in that waiting room. We didn't know anything more for hours. The doctors and nurses weren't talking to us til her mom got there, and she wasn't going to get there til 3 pm. I had brought work with me to do, the girls had brought homework. We got a little done, then as random bits of information trickled in despite the stated prohibition ("don't talk to Jessica's friends til the mom gets here"), it became harder and harder not to worry.
The ICU waiting room has jigsaw puzzles. The three of us started on one with great care, adding the extra challenge of not looking at the picture on the box to guide us. We had fun, we laughed, trying not to think too hard...The hours passed.

Eventually her mom came, and more visitors, folks from her work. We prayed together. We hadn't seen her yet, but it became clear that things were very, very serious. I started working on getting out of the rest of my evening's commitments - a Chi Alpha small group and some work. I was a mess.
Finally all was clear for a group of us - about 8 - to go in to see Jessica. I was really worried that I would not be able to handle what I saw, pass out I mean. But on the other hand, I also knew that "the monster in your head is worse than the monster under the bed." I had a feeling it would not be as bad as the all the anxiety of waiting and imagining the worst. In a way I was right. Seeing her as I walked into the little room I thought, "I can do this." I mean, it was awful, but she honestly looked better than I had feared. Still, I cried. And I couldn't really talk when it was supposed to be my turn, except to say, "Hi Jessica it's Sylvia."
We prayed again in the little room. We comforted her mom. We talked about Jessica and what we liked about her. There was laughter mixed in with tears. There was prayer for healing. I wasn't feeling faith for much of anything. All day, people's positive words had felt foolish, and seeing her wasn't changing that.

I had dinner - "Cheeseburger Pie" - with Crystal and Michelle at the bachelor pad of Crystal's boyfriend Nick and roommate Matt. I sent an email on one of their computers. I worked hard to push through the despair I felt and learn a Spanish card game. It was worth it, we had fun. And brownies. Perfect.
Michelle and Crystal offered to let me stay at their place, and so did Scott and Anna, my . I hadn't thought about it til they mentioned it but right away I realized I didn't want to spend the night alone, never mind alone in an apartment filled with Jessica's stuff and still fresh memories of normal life, "before" life. I worked out some details and got Scott to come pick me up after I got stuff from the apartment. Once to their place, we talked and prayed for quite awhile. Scott sent an emial to the Chi Alpha phone list. Around 11:30 pm, I headed to bed in their guest bedroom. I couldn't sleep. I kept waiting for my phone to ring. I kept thinking how much I wished I could turn back time. I prayed, for Jessica, me, her mom and her sister, the person who was driving the car who hit her. Maybe I got 2.5 hours solid sleep.

Morning at the hospital felt more hopeful. I stayed til 12:30 pm, then had to get some work done. All afternoon my phone was on vibrate in my back pocket. There were texts and calls, but just people wanting information, not "Come to the hospital now!" Fear and anxiety washed over me again everyonce in awhile, but I pushed them down. There was more prayer for Jessica, with Chi Alpha girls in our one-on-one mentoring times, and in our Student Leader Resourcing meeting. The students were so gracious and kind and encouraging to me in their prayers. They said they were surprised at how well I was doing. I told them I had not been so composed the day before.
After that Chi Alpha Leader meeting, I walked home, got Jess' teddy bear "Arktos" - Greek for, yes, "bear" - and walked to the hospital. Another evening of prayer, waiting, puzzles, hoping, encouraging her mom and sister. I had more faith at this point, faith for a miracle, but still not as convinced as some...A group of us started a CaringBridge site for our friend.
I spent the night at the apartment last night, and when I woke just before 5 am my first thought was "wow, I slept well... but why am I awake?" Then I heard it, an alarm. I had to get up, go to Jessica's room and turn it off. She must have reset it Wednesday morning right after she got up. I missed it yesterday morning becuse I had been at Scott and Anna's. I hadn't been able to cry since Thursday morning. I wasn't sure which was worse - unable to stop crying or not able to cry when you want to. Think the latter. Anyway, after the alarm, I couldn't fall back asleep, so I got some food, read Hebrews 11-12:3, and wrote this blog post. I really need to go. Scott and Anna are picking me up in 20 minutes or so. It's the Barnett's so maybe more on the "so" side! :)
Thanks to anyone who read this and prays. Just wanted to get this out of me, make sure I don't forget this time, whatever happens. more posts to come. Please check out the CaringBridge site for more info about Jessica's current state.

God is in control and He is good.

a good read

just one of those articles i liked so much i wanted to post on facebook and here. challenging and thoughtful. and readers' comments are interesting as well. gotta love Relevant.

všetko v poriadku

So a bunch of folks have asked about my trip to Central Europe, especially the last week when I was traveling alone. Before I get to the good stuff, here's a basic outline of how I spent my time.

From May 18 through June 3, I was assistant staff for the 2009 Big Sky Expeditions missions team. Our group was made up of 7 college students, team leader Scott and his wife Anna, and me. We spent 8 days in Slovakia, and then another 8 in Poland. My itinerary from there: Krakow, Poland to Banovce nad Bebravou, Slovakia (June 4); Banovce nad Bebravou to Bratislava, Slovakia (June 5); Bratislava to Vienna, Austria (June 6); Vienna to Brno, Czech Republic (June 8); Brno to Prague, Czech Republic (June 9); fly out of Prague (June11). A canceled flight left me in Salt Lake city for an extra day, and I got back to Missoula on June 13, tired and sick with a cold, but happy.

And now, some highlights:

• Seeing Wagner's Die Walkurie at the Vienna State Opera. Watching from the very top step of the top standing area in the hall, I was enthralled from the first notes in the cellos and basses. While I still can't condone the plot (yikes!), it is very fine art. I never thought I'd like Wagner.
  
• Seeing the Vienna Philharmonic in the Musikverein, also with a cheap standing area ticket. Music there was pretty good, too. :)
  
• Meeting people from all over the world. At the international church in Vienna I met Americans, South Africans, a Kenyan, a Romanian, a German, a Pole and even a few Austrians. After lunch at a Mongolian grill, most of us went out for coffee at McCafe. Totally sacrilegious, I think, to get lattes in Vienna at McDonalds, but that's what they wanted to do! And it was there that I discovered that one of the aforementioned Americans recently met someone in Minnesota that I know from Boston. Small world.
  
• While I mostly traveled alone, I was met at bus and train stations by old and new friends at every stop along the way. Yes, all that email correspondence paid off! "Hello. Are you Sylvia? I'm..."
• A few of these friends were able to show me around their cities - my own personal tour guides. Sweet.
  
• Waking up and wondering, "Where am I?" Between the time I left the Big Sky Expeditions team in Krakow on June 4, and when I slept in my own bed again June 13, I slept in 5 different apartments, 5 buses, 3 train cabins, 4 planes and on 1 basement couch. This morning, somewhere between waking and sleeping, it happened again. I woke up just enough to remember, smile, and roll back over.
• Watching the beautiful Central European countryside pass me by on buses and trains: green and hilly, accented by the red roofs of villages, a few kilometers apart, and the occasional castle.
• There were a few moments when things got interesting - for example, the first day of my solo trip when I traveled alone into central Slovakia, far from the tourist path. On my second train of the day, I asked the young lady sharing my cabin if she spoke English. She shook her head sheepishly. With gestures and a few words of Slovak from the phrasebook I had bought, I asked her when the train got to Banovce nad Bebravou. Our attempts at understanding each other were not very successful. I couldn't tell if she couldn't understand me, or if she didn't know the answer to my question, or both. A little while later, I was thinking about trying to find the train conductor. Then I overheard my cabinmate say "Banovce nad Bebravou" to someone on her cell phone. The next thing I knew, she was handing me her phone.

"Hello?" I said.
"Hello," I heard a woman say to me in halting English. "This bus... no go... Banovce nad Bebravou."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you very much."
Smiling, I returned the cell phone. My cabinmate said to me "Trenčín," and I knew she meant that it was the stop at which I should get off. I replied "Ďakujem veľmi pekne!" [Thank you very much], a phrase I repeated a few more times before we parted ways.
Things like this happened a couple of times, people helping me out in moments when I really needed it - the lady at the airport on Vienna who told me where to find free internet for a few minutes, the train conductor in Trenčín who pointed out my bus, the family in Salt Lake City that took me in for a night and a day. I felt surrounded by angels...

• Meeting and chatting with missionaries and ministry leaders in Brno and Vienna - just getting a taste of the reality of these places and what God is up to there. Exciting, challenging, raw.
• A few God encounters, particularly in Krakow and in Brno, when He felt very near and I felt a hairsbreadth away from knowing what He has been leading me in to. So close, but not there yet. Still, the experience made me think I'm on the right track. Some things I know: I really like it there, I know I'll go back, and I'm sure I'll live somewhere in Europe at some point. Probably Central or Eastern Europe... but who knows. And the exact date I may be arriving? No idea. Sigh. Guess God will let me know just in time. That seems to be His way with these things. :)
  

A new Slovak phrase: "všetko v poriadku"
From what I understand (which is very little!), this phrase means something like "Everything is okay." It's what you tell your mom when she calls to ask you if you made it somewhere safe. I think in English I would say, "I'm good." I felt this was an appropriate phrase to end this post since, despite all my stress and worry over this trip (before and during!), everything was... good. And some parts were very good. And I arrived back in Missoula safe and sound enough to set even my mother at ease!

Update (June 30): to see pictures from my trip, visit my Central Europe '09 set on my flickr photostream. Enjoy!

všetko

what am i doing? why am i here?
trust and faith
uncertainty and fear

the first day driving from Vienna to Nove Mesto nad Vahom, through little Austrian towns, hearing Hillsong United song in Jan's CD player, suddenly feeling moved, and the words "I am called" - or was it "You are called" - suddenly in my head.
a day later, not one email from all the folks (missionaries, pastors, friends of friends) i contacted. no email about the summer opera. no relief from the thoughts in my head... discouraged.

in the park after prayer, sharing time in a circle with church folk, a UM student shares "everyone on this team is here for a reason... He will show you..."
a rollercoaster of emotions
what am i doing? why am i here?
"I will show you."

i like them, i am scared they don't like me
as much as i don't feel at home in the States at times, and i just want to GO, there are little things - cultural understandings - that i miss. i just don't know what they think of me and this absolutely terrifies me. in the States i am shy and reserved, here i feel comparatively pushy and annoying. not more so than other Americans, but... i think the others on the team don't want it as much, don't care as much - no, one other is aggressive in her questions, her hunger to learn. but i am not sure they appreciate this in us. i don't know if i am being obnoxious or intimiadating. or if they are just thinking, "Those Americans always need reassurance" looking in the eye all the time...

and no courage it seems, even to ask for help finding a watch...
i can't do this, dear God, it is all too much.

just now, email from Czech missionaries - they want me to work with them for a few days even! and a place to stay near Brno, maybe in the city if i don't mind staying with folks who don't speak English. hm. and the email about the opera! both of them actually. thanks! so... up we go again.

"všetko"
My new favorite Slovak word, meaning "that is all."
That is all for today.

moment of faith

So I had this interesting experience last night. I was driving from teaching a violin lesson to Walmart, just running some errands. I turned the radio on and heard “more than fine/more than bent on getting by/more than fine/more than just okay.” Immediately I had this image in my mind of me, shoulder deep in a pit of muck and junk, an accumulation of my fears and worries piling up all around me. Then I saw myself lifting up my arms to Jesus and crying, “Pull me out!” I realized at that moment that it had been awhile since I’d asked God to do that for me, pull me above my circumstances, and that in that time I had been slowly sinking deeper into something like quicksand, or maybe “slowsand.” If anyone were to ask me how I was doing I’d say “I’m fine. Okay. There are hard things and struggles but I’m getting by.” But I really want more than that. I really believe God has called me to more than that. “Getting by” is not the abundant life Jesus promised.
I’m not on a first name basis with Jon Foreman and am not entirely sure what the song “More Than Fine” meant to him when he wrote it, but to me it is a reminder of John 10:10, where Jesus said “I have come that they [that is, you, me, us humans] may have life and have it to the full.” In the Message paraphrase of the passage, Jesus says, “I am the Gate for the sheep. All those others are up to no good—sheep stealers, every one of them. But the sheep didn't listen to them. I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd puts the sheep before himself…”
I believe that I am living a full life, an adventure, one that’s going to extend into eternity. It’s just that I forget. I let the worries pile up and dull the joy God has given me. But in His awesome mercy and grace, God keeps pursuing me, asking “Don’t you want to get above that?” Sometimes, I finally get a clue and ask Him to help me. And every once in a while, He blesses me with a moment of clarity, a moment of seeing His reality in front of me, and all around me. My circumstances are no different in that moment. Everything is the same, but I’m not. I recognize Jesus as the Gate and the Good Shepherd whom I can trust, and I have a little more faith, a little more hope, and I really feel – at least for a moment - God’s joy in me.

driving lessons

Check out this hilarious highly opinionated take on drivers in various parts of the US. Note: I think it's only available til early August, so... look it up now!

wordle!

I'm not sure how you pronounce it, but I'm in love with wordle! I'm playing with it lots in preparation for the first Bible study of the summer tomorrow night. Here is what I've come up with so far... More to come I'm sure.

attention all word nerds

I just stumbled on an awesome little podcast the other day from PRI's "The World." It's a new weekly called The World in Words. The thing that pulled me in was the title on Monday's podcast: "Russian names, Putinisms and a diplomatic mistranslation." So I gave a listen and then backed up to hear last week's podcast, featuring national anthems and IKEA-speak. It's a nice, mid-length podcast, 15-20 minutes, and has reporters visiting and interviewing all around the world. Finally, it has the added distinction of coming from the public radio station in Boston. So what else is there to say? It's amazing.

a may day's thoughts

On my Trike, Summer 1980

Just a quick note in celebration of the best month of the year! And while I'm not entirely thrilled about adding another year to my age, I love that May is the cusp of summer, the edge of the excitement, with so much to look forward to in the near future: fireworks and hiking and rafting and road trips and sunshine and swimming and ice cream and barbecues... To top it off, I have great memories of earlier years when birthdays were all about homemade cakes and backyard relay races with neighborhood kids. Those were the days. Whatever this month means to you, whatever memories it holds, I hope that this time around it treats you well.

Of the Dead and Dying

How's that for a seriously morbid title? I thought it might be a good way to catch your attention. But this post is not about people, just blogs and their links.

You see, once upon a time, a long time ago - back in 2005 - a bunch of my friends started blogging. We had lots of fun welcoming each other into the "blogosphere" and exchanging comments and posting sometimes witty, sometimes moving, sometimes dramatic news on these, our own websites. Then came MySpace, but it was ugly and spammy and so we used it rather judiciously. But then Facebook opened up to everyone, not just preppy undergrads, and it has proven deadly for the older version of blogging. I have hardly kept up this site at all until, every few months or so, I randomly hear that someone still checks it. So I make go at it, and find it's still fun, and I've decided "leaves..." isn't going away anytime soon. But of the links listed to the right of my posts, many haven't seen a new post in over a year. On the one hand, I feel bad just removing my friends' old blogs from my list, in case said friends actually resurrect their creations. On the other hand, I love organization and making sure my own little part of the web, be it very, very small, is updated and current. So I decided to write this post in order to both reminisce and to list a few of my friends' blogs that I'll most likely be be taking off the template in the near future. This way, their names and links will endure as long as blogger itself remains. In memory of all the good times...

el blogo de la falda
freelance poedry
ich bin ein londoner
jamey orange
ohiodawa
whence flies the knat

But perhaps the cycle of Blogger life will continue? Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome the Ocean Skater to the blogosphere.

Mexico '08 Missions Trip

the Missoula team: Sara, Sylvia, Emily, Megan

Just a few stories and a few more pictures. For more of the latter, go to my flickr site.

So these four ladies, three UM students and myself, left Missoula at 9:30 pm on Thursday March 20. This was the first leg of our journey on a missions trip with two organizations, Youth for Christ and Get Away, Give Away. We arrived in Twin Falls Idaho around 4:30 Friday morning. This is where we met up with 13 folks who had driven down from LaGrande, OR. Megan and I had stayed awake and split the driving from Missoula, so when we got to Twin Falls and found out everyone else would be up at 6 we just stayed up. We played 3-way "War" with Megan's friend Smitty. We were quite tired and silly. It was fun.
About 7:30 am all 17 of us, from here on out known as "the LaGrande Group," piled into two Suburbans and a pickup truck. We drove all day and reached Las Vegas in the evening where we spent the night in a church. (This was known as the location of "the last shower." Showers at our campsite in Mexico were a bit more primitive.) On Saturday, after 20+ hours of driving, we finally arrived in San Luis Rio Colorado, Mexico. Here we met up with the main group of folks, most of whom were from Eugene, Oregon, as so were known as "the Eugene Group." In the next 5 days "in country" the forty or so folks on our team of two groups built three houses. Those of us from Missoula also led a Vacation Bible School for neighborhood children and those at the house sites where we were building.


"Tent City" (aka "camp"): This was our home for the week.
It got pretty windy!

Highlights of the week:
1) Wednesday, the last day of VBS
This was our largest group of VBS kids and Megan kept saying her Spanish brain was going to explode. We shared the story of the Jesus' death and resurrection with the kids. I held up the picture book and Megan read the translation into Spanish. I helped the kids put "brillantes" (glitter) on the paper crosses they were making, and a few of them copied "Gracias Jesus" onto crosses made out of popsicle sticks. I loved that we were planting seeds in little hearts and minds and watering these seeds with love and songs and fun games like "pato, pato, ganso" (duck, duck, goose.)


Singing at VBS. Note the the camp showers in the background.

2) Anna and Abel and their 8 kids
Megan has had a few chances to share about the trip and each time she talked about this family and she cried. Anna and Abel have 8 children and recently moved to the border town of San Luis from Chiapas, the southern part of Mexico. We had the pleasure of building them a new house. Our first day at the plot of land Anna and her husband own she said over and over again how great God was to provide for her and her family. She brought most of her kids to VBS each day and she was very involved answering questions and making crafts. Later, Megan was working on Anna's new house and overheard her singing the VBS songs to her children. At the end of the week, the whole team visited each of the new houses and prayed over them and the families that would be living there. As we surrounded Anna, Abel and their children, Anna cried while clutching a calendar that the folks from LaGrande had given her. It was clear that we were seeing God move in her heart and our work there not only blessed her materially but also brought her closer to God.


Anna and her youngest, Luis de Jesus

3) Thursday morning, last day of work
This was the rush to get our houses to a finishing place. We needed to be done and leaving Mexico by about noon, but the houses weren't done. In past years, the team had consisted of 60-80 people. This year we were a small and mighty 40-something. In addition, the owners of 2 of the original 4 building sites found themselves in property disputes while we were there, so we were not able to build in those sites. We were able to start a another house, but two days late, and the church we planned to build most likely be built next year. The other family, who had thought themselves owners of the original "Site 1" plot, we could only pray for, that they would be able to settle this dispute and maybe get a house next year.

Policia. At least this one didn't come at 3:30 am like a few of the others...

That said, Thursday was a bit of a scramble at each of the houses. The new "Site 1" house was built for Bernardo and his wife and children. They have been great friends to the Get Away, Give Away teams in years past. They owned a plot of land but not been able to afford to build while still struggling to pay rent in another location. It was wonderful to bless this family and exciting to see their plans for this house as a place of blessing not only for their family but for the neighborhood. :) With this house we decided we just needed to get second floor walls, roof and insulation for those up since these are the parts most needing a team of people. A roof was also important since Bernardo needed to sleep there in order to guard the new house. He was confident that he could finish the rest himself. Thursday morning I had the chance to work on this house with him and a handful of the Eugene group folks from about 20 minutes before sunrise until around 11:00 am. It was intense and fun and very rewarding to reach our goal.


Prayer at Bernardo
and family's new house.
Note the unpainted
second floor wall
and the corner of a roof!


So in summary, it was hot. It was sandy. It was very dry. It was tiring and challenging. But God showed up and directed our steps in amazing ways. It was an amazing week.

ich mag Google '08

Here it is again. I've decided this must be my own personal Valentine's Day for Google or something. Anyway, in case you somehow missed it, here is a link to this year's April Fool's joke. I have a feeling the folks at Google look forward to this day all year long.
:)

Mexico '08 Trip - Teasers

me and Cristal, one of the children whose family got a new house





So I just got back to my house, just got back into Missoula less than an hour ago, and I'm really excited to sit down and let you all know about my trip. Wow. That's my first thought. So much to write. It was basically an amazing trip. It took two days of driving to get to San Luis, Mexico, a border town in the desert. Then it took two days to get back. In between I met lots of cool folks from Oregon, helped build three houses, camped in the desert, and made friends with some beautiful Mexican children. I'd like to write more ... but later, cause I'm pretty tired and I need to do some serious laundry - there is sand in everything. For now, here's a few pictures, teasers you could say. More - stories and pics - to come.


Yanco, Cristal, Kayla











view from the road of one of the new houses I helped build

Happy Spring!

Just wanted to wish all a happy first day of spring. And to celebrate - well, actually it has nothing to do with it, except that next week is Spring Break here at the U. of Montana, and on said break a few students are going down to Mexico for a missions trip. And I have the privilege of joining them. No, I don't remember where in Mexico. I am not leading the trip so I'm shunning all unnecessary responsibility. Just kidding. I just haven't made the effort to remember. Anyway, we will be building houses for some folks and running a Vacation Bible School for a few days. I'm looking forward to it. We start the drive down tonight, with stops in Idaho Falls and Las Vegas. I would appreciate your prayers for our travels and for our time sharing Jesus with little kids. In addition, some of the folks we'll be working with on the building part of the trip aren't yet Christians. They're high school kids, and I am praying that we, the group of college folks from Missoula, will have and take divine opportunities to share Christ. So that's all for now. I just spent a half hour trying to see if I could do the Mobile Blogging thing. I think my phone is just a tad bit too primitive to make it happen, or maybe my brain is... Anyway, I've decided ya'll will just have to wait 'til I get back for an update. :) Til then, many blessings and happy spring.

me skiing!

Me with Anna Barnett, getting ready to ski!

Hello to my dear friends and family. This past Sunday I wrote a post on the Chi Alpha Montana blog about our recent Ski Retreat in Darby, MT. Here it is for your reading pleasure. I've also added a video that Scott Barnett, my Chi Alpha boss, took of me "skiing" on the Bunny Slope.

One week ago at this time I was really, really sore from my first time skiing ever. In the past I've always told folks that I'd never ski cause I have bad knees. Then when it turned out that we would have an entire Chi Alpha retreat built around the opportunity to ski or board, and to do so in beautiful Western Montana powder on amazing Rocky Mountains, how could I resist?!? So I took the plunge and loved it. Somewhere in the middle of the 1.5 hours it took to "ski" down the easiest Green Dot trail, however, I realized (remembered?) that the main reason I've avoided skiing/boarding is fear. I don't even like going down a mountain on foot when it's really steep, never mind flying down it on little waxed pieces of plastic. So that was huge for me, learning to trust that if I did what Scott and Anna said I would not die! Mind you, I still have bad knees but they were not what hurt; every thing else did. :)



Songe and Scott

Songe and Ben were the other beginners on the slopes. [Songe is an international student from Zambia who first saw snow four years ago in his freshman year at the U. of Montana.] Ben was the Natural of the group, and with just a few times down the Bunny Slope he headed up the mountain. Scott and Anna were the patient teachers that stayed with Songe and I most of the day. I'm not sure how Songe felt by the end, but I was pretty excited since I was finally learning how to turn. Hooray!

Most of the folks experienced with the snow sports had their own snowboards. Amanda was the beginner of that group, and, similar to Songe and myself, she expressed super gratitude for her friends who stuck by her all day. Megan was their photographer and took lots of sweet shots, including ones of Ken, who is known to anyone who has done the Mini-Missions trip to Plains. He was our guest speaker Saturday night, and God really spoke through him to quite a few of us. Then we Chi Alphans got a chance to pray for him and his wife and daughter, and God really spoke through us to bless them. Then we all slept like babies. Most of us spent the night in the sanctuary (girls) or upstairs classroom (guys) of a local church let us use for the weekend. It was a good night, and a good weekend. God is good, yes?


Megan, Ken, Chris, and John










Megan and Annie














On the Ski Bus, from Darby to Lost Trail Powder Mountain.












The boarders having lunch in a yurt

old quote

I just wanted to save this quote somewhere. I've finally found another good one to take it's place for awhile in Just for Kicks. I saw it on a coffee cup last summer and still love it. I've tried to recreate how it was formatted on the cup.

"People don't read enough. And what reading we do
is cursory, without absorbing the subtleties
and nuances that lie deep within - Wow,
you've stopped paying attention, haven't
you? People can't even read a coffee
cup without drifting off."
- David Shore, creator and executive
producer of House

Three Mothers by Sonia Lambert

So I'm reading this book, and it's messing with me a bit. It's been a long time since I've read a work of fiction and been so thought-provoked, or maybe it's "provoked to thought," on issues of relationships and life and dying and eternity. Okay, that's kinda heavy. Maybe I should back up.

First off, I've already told God that my parents are not allowed to die, before I do at least, or at the very least until they've accomplished all the things they're desperate to accomplish, feel called by God to do. That said...

My mom gave me this book for Christmas. It opens with a poem by Phyllis McGinley:

Mothers are the hardest to forgive
Life is the fruit they long to hand you,
Ripe on a plate. And while you live,
Relentlessly they understand you.

I can't remember the last time my mom gave me a novel. At first I was reading it only to please her, even though the poem makes me feel prickly and like I want to argue with it somehow. I started the first chapter three, no four, times; I just couldn't get into it. Somewhere along the way I did, though, and now I have to work to put it down. It's beautifully written, all about the tensions between mothers and daughters. It's pretty intense, but not overwhelmingly so, partly because there's a healthy does of wit and the mundane stuff of life mixed in with the deep. And it doesn't hurt that the author plays her cards up front: in the first chapter the main character's mother (Vera) has just died and and the daughter (Susie) is dealing with the loss. Part the grief process is sharing with us, the readers, the stories of the lives of her mother and grandmother. Each had dictated these to Susie in the weeks before Vera's death. So it's semi-chronologically written. Each person's story is, mostly, in order as it jumps between each women's voice. It works.

But what about my questions? Well, my first reaction when observing the excellent portrayal of a daughter in grief, hopeless, exhausting, all-consuming, was this: "I'm so glad that we have God, and a hope for heaven; this is not the end for my mom and I." Then the question pokes it's head in, not in words of course, but subliminally: "Who am I to presume that I am - my mom and I are - in the right and they - the author and characters - are in the wrong? Who is to say that there is something after this?" I dwell on this for a few pages in the back of mind, then later it comes to me. How come in every culture there is the instinct for mothers to nurse their young. It's only when this activity hinders modern, rational, mechanized life that it is discarded or smothered. This is similar to faith and the search for the eternal. They got in the way of our understanding, or our understanding was too small for them, and so they were discarded, are squelched, until in moments of sheer panic even this young, post-modern, post-Christian main character Susie "made bargains" in her head, "Please God, at least five. Please God, make it ten."

So I've solved the problem of God and heaven, being there and all! :) But what about my mom and I? This book feels like good medicine, like something that's hard to swallow but I think will help our relationship. I'm sure I won't be able to identify with motherhood entirely until I experience it myself, but I am again made grateful for own mother's accomplishments. No, that's the wrong word. Successes? Abilities? Goodness? Motherly-ness?!?

I'm not sure how the fictional story will end yet, either, but it's a good read. There are some great lines, some poignant observations, and the author brings her characters to face death without the hope of an afterlife head on. As of yet, there's neither a Romantic spin on the beauty of it all or a superstitious bent of somehow existing after death sans God. While I can't agree with the author's assumptions, I admire her courage to stand with them even when it's uncomfortable. So, yeah, I'll let you know how it goes. Just had to get it all out of my head. Thanks for reading.

happy memory

I just learned that this month marks the 50th anniversary of the plastic LEGO brick. An even more random fact: According to LEGO.com, "today’s LEGO bricks still fit bricks from 1958." I remember lots of happy hours making LEGO cars and trucks and police motorcycles. I think I still have that somewhere, even... And yes, I have a little, very little, tomboy streak in me. :)